I need to get used to doing this. I started the first one in Sept 2012 and has not returned until now. I sometimes feel I go on an endless loop of anxiety, happiness and sadness. My partner and I just celebrated 25 years since we first met. Funny we recall very little of those first several years except where we lived and possibly small incidents. Christmas celebration with friends in our coach house rental in Evanston. My bowling trips/vacations. Our move together from 2 bdrm coach house to 1 bdrm hi rise apt. Memories seem to gather when you least expect them.

I don’t know how to really continue writing when I know I don’t have the talent for it. I just read someone’s essays and find them fascinating. He seems to have a good way to write but I see that he does it sparingly. I guess the distance between each essays allow him to write better and with more clarity or feeling.

Future is sometimes hard to determine. You want to plan but things often get in the way. Your health, your desire and sometimes you just think, I don’t really have it (yes it, money). I reach 50 this year and was hoping to go somewhere but our mutual friend has already planned a trip for him and Brian ( my partner). Sure its a one week cruise towards Mexico but I still feel that why am I not even in this conversation. I guess having an 8 year old dog that we have not left alone in years have something to do with it. We can’t seem to decide on how to leave him with others or strangers. He is a completely different topic. Hopefully in future posts.